so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there was a trapeze. enough said
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
