at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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