I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
