she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Quick, to the slutcave!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize