I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
