he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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