Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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