Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
