The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
