Your tits are I can't wait for
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
