My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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