I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
