you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
