I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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