we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
