Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
