Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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