wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
