Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
