You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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