Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
