I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
