The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
