I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
