So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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