I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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