i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
