i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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