Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
