Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
