soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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