hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
