I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
