is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
