You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
