my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
...so i touched it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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