so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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