guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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