We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
