You're my little dorito
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
