i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
