every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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