Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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