I'm lost and stupid without you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fuck appropriateness.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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