Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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