There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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