Moan for me like Helen Keller
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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