Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
