my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want her autograph on my taint
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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