i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
