Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
