I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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