yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
