Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
