She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
