This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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